Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Suck It Up MARINE!!

The girls and I have been sick this last week. Yes, over the Mothers Day Weekend.

We have had our first delve into TriCare. Hold on and try to stay with me. I am about to unload a tangent so big you may get a headache. Jenna comes home sick from daycare on Thursday with a low grade fever and cough. Jordan was fine until midnight when she gets sick and up comes her dinner. So two girls with coughs, fevers, and runny noses. Both need cuddling. Both need medications. Both need cleaning up after. Neither could do this at reasonable hours. Too bad you can't put illness on a schedule. OK You...from 3 pm to 6 pm is when you can feel bad. OK You...from 6:30pm to 9:30pm is your turn to feel bad. Even though you guys get to stay home tomorrow, I have to get up and go to work in the morning. Since my Mom is staying with me and I don't want to wear her out, I try not to call on her for every little thing. So I let her sleep since she was going to get the girls on Friday.

Over the weekend the girls showed signs of improvement and then I get sick on Mother's Day. To make a really long story short, I went to the Accute Care Clinic in the Naval Hospital on Monday. I was in and out and back home in just over an hour with medications! I was impressed.

When I picked the girls up from day care on Tuesday, Jordan looked like a limp rag. She had begun feeling bad again over the course of the day. Her face was flushed and droopy, nose all runny. Poor thing had been run over, twice, by a mean bad bug. So I cart her and her sister off to the Accute Care Clinic to make sure nothing serious is lingering. Since I had two in tow, I made appointments. The night before went really well and I didn't have an appointment. I got to see a doctor who I felt knew what she was talking about. I had high expectations for the girls visits. That is why I had no hesitation to appointments at 7:20 pm and 7:40 pm. OH if only I had known.

We get there on time. We check in. We wait...and wait...and wait...and wait. When we were finally called back, the girls had their vitals taken. Temp, blood pressure etc. We were sent back out to the waiting room. 3 other people went back then came back out. 45 to 50 minutes have passed since our appointment time. We get called back. We see this man older then the cheese in my fridge. If he were any slower, he would be moving in reverse. He was hard of hearing so he kept saying "I'm sorry, what?". What I would have given for a marker and paper to make flash cards for him to read. Over two hours later and tests for strep, we get a diagnosis of "it's viral and needs to run it's course". This is where I get my bitchy britches on. (that's what Joey calls it when I've had it) We've been here for two hours and I walk out with nothing for my babies to feel better? Are you kidding? The girls have come unglued. They felt bad and were tired. My kids are used to going to bed at 8:00 pm sharp. We looked like one of those groups where the mother is frazzled, the kids are loud and obnoxious, and you look at them with the "What in hell kind if mother are you?" look on your face. Yeah..that was us. Lesson learned? I will make appointments during the day at the regular pediatrician so we're not competing for medical care with true emergencies.

I ended up taking Jordan back to the on base pediatrician Wednesday morning. She woke up with a bloody nose. She had spent the entire night before crying out in discomfort so she didn't get any sleep and because we share a room right now...I didn't sleep. You know you love your kids when you grab a flashlight at 3:00 am to look for her favorite Cinderella figurine she has to have for comfort and you're not even thinking about the closest sharp object.

This last visit went really well, once I got there. I didn't understand the directions on how to get to this office in the hospital. I parked on the complete other side of the building. Keep in mind I'm battling a respiratory infection myself. So here I am trucking my 35 pound limp daughter through the hospital to get to the appointment on time but I get lost. I arrive at the office with the assistance of a doctor who just happened to be going my way. I'm gasping for air and coughing like a 4 pack a day smoker. The office personnel at the front desk kept asking me if I'm OK. I coughed yes. I broke down from exhaustion during Jordan's office visit and cried. Turns out she is sensitive to the allergins this time of year. Hopefully with the antibiotic she was prescribed she'll feel better soon.

I was taught in the Marines to Suck it Up and push on. To adapt and overcome. That's what military wives learn to do. There is no such thing as a sick day for a single mom.

One Month Down...Eleven To Go!

One of the pitfalls of being a military wife is the single parenting involved. Unless you have a live in cook, nanny, chauffer, personal assistant, gardener, and maid, all these tasks are yours and yours alone. I did hire a housekeeper, which I LOVE. The company actually sends out two ladies. I will post about the conversations they have later. My Mom tells me some interesting stuff about the converstions the ladies have amongst themselves on housekeeper day. So now, I plan on leaving booby traps for them. Give them some stuff to really talk trash about.

We eat on the cheap the week our housekeeper comes but it is worth the sacrifice. Although, they are surprisingly affordable. I love coming home from work every other week and the house is super clean. Then 10 minutes later, it's trashed again. So for 10 minutes every other week, I get to enjoy what other houses must look like all the time. ;P I try to close my eyes and pretend the kids have taken their backpacks to their rooms, put their shoes in their closets, and their clothes are not strewn from the front door to the back of the house. This would qualify as my Calgon moment since I don't have time to actually soak in a tub. What is it with kids shedding every stitch they have on when they get home? Or is it just my kids? HM.......

The Army has granted the girls a scholarship for their gymnastics lessons while Joey is activated. Nice little benefit of military life. A couple lessons ago, they were working the uneven bars. The preschool age group, on the uneven bars, just dangle. They're too little to swing and sway and flip on the uneven bars, but they can take dangling to a whole new level of cute.

Jordan got to spend the weekend at Camp Grammy for the first time this month. You can't beat that as a reward to crossing the potty training finish line! NO MORE DIAPERS! My current favorite three little words, since Joey isn't here to pat my rear and say I love you. Jordan no longer requires Pull Ups, even when she sleeps. This has been a mile stone Joey and I have been looking forward to. And the first milestone he's missed due to his deployment.

I know deployment means Joey will miss milestones and events. In just the one month since I dropped him off, he's missed our 6th Anniversary and Mother's Day. Justin has embarked upon his Eagle Scout rank. This is an achievement boys must earn before they turn 18. Justin will be 18 in July. WOW! that sounds so weird out loud. Anywho, Joey and I met when Justin was almost 9. He jumped right in and was an active participant in Justins scouting activities, from the beginning. So Justin is busting his hump to get his project finished so Joey can see Justins scouting come full circle. If all goes as planned, Justin will be completely finished with his project and if council signs off on the paperwork, we can have the ceremony the two days Joey is home before he begins his year overseas.

I hope through this blog, Facebook, Twitter, My Space, Skype, texting, pictures in the mail, pictures over the phone, care packages, and phone calls we can keep up with each other. My hopes are to have him home without being a stranger in the house.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Does NOT Come From a Bottle

I am a natural blond. I do not color my hair in any way shape or form. Not because I'm some kind of naturalist hippy or lack vanity. I'm broke. I have two in daycare, one in high school and a husband who has been out of a job for over a year. I would LOVE to spend a day getting my hair done, manicure, pedicure, massage. AAHHH I used to do those things. Now I go to the Hair Cuttery, which I've grown fond of by the way, and spend $15 on a cut. I'm OK with that. To get a massage I have to lay on the floor and hope one of the kids will pounce on me. Mani/Pedi? Forget about it. I would rather spend my money on the kids anyway. I enjoy seeing them get tickled over new outfits or some trinket from the dollar store.

Well, the time has come for Joey to come home for a couple days before actually being shipped off for a year. So it falls on me to make his travel arrangements. Easy enough assignment. This I can handle. So I hit the Internet looking for deals. FYI...what I finally spent on tickets is no deal in my book. Man do the airlines know how to stick it to ya. Now with this fee and that fee? That's a whole 'nother rant for a whole 'nother posting. I need to keep focused on the topic at hand.

First our search starts with a google on "Airline tickets". OK. Search results finally settled on a number so stinking big I shut my browser, turned off my computer, curled up under the computer desk, in a fetal position. How are you supposed to choose a reputable establishment from all this? So, I default to looking at company names I see on TV. When I get overwhelmed with this kind of thing, I just pick something that sounds familiar. I do not have the patience to shop. My wardrobe is testament to that. So, Expedia wins. I need to give them a shameless plug here. It was easy breezy booking a flight with them. For a round trip ticket I was first offered several departure times, then they offered arrival times. They didn't lump them together like a couple of other sites I went to. Also, it saved me from going to each and every airline website and doing the same search repeatedly.

I started stressing out about his departure time from Texas and his arrival time to Florida. He can't leave too late in the day from Texas because the Army is dropping the guys off according to the earliest flight out, which is about 6am. That would put them arriving at the airport before 5am. No matter what time their booked flights leave, all soldiers get to the airport at the same time. Also, (I know this from experience) no matter what time soldiers get to the airport, they head straight to the bar. Yes, you can get a beer, at the airport at OH Dark Thirty.

Here is where the blond moments begins. I can't book his departure from Texas too early because that would make his arrival in Florida too early. I have to coordinate picking him up from the airport with what time I get off work. I don't have the leave time to be take off work on his arrival day ... so I'm trying to make sure he gets to Florida later in the afternoon so I don't need to take any time off from work. It is a delicate balance so neither one of us is inconvenienced. So my friend at work got sucked into my drama and was offering advice. You would think she would catch on not to pop into my office when she can hear the high-speed clicking of the keyboard.

Between the two of us we decide the best plan was to book him an early flight out of Texas and park his car at the airport overnight. I could FedEx his keys to him with a map to his truck. It would be like a mini Pirate Treasure Hunt with a vehicle at the end!! Problem solved right? I was so excited that travel plans were made, tickets bought, he had transportation from the airport. Yeah. We have Monday the 31st off from work....it's a flippin Federal Holiday.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

1st Weekend

This past week went well. We stuck to our routine and was pretty uneventful. The girls and I were able to speak to Joey. It was a very much needed connection. However, Jenna wasn't happy her turn was over and cried, cried, cried.

The Hub is looking forward to his four day break in a few weeks. If all goes as planned, Justin will be finished with his Eagle Project and we can have his Eagle Rank Ceremony while Joey is home. Justin was 8.5 when I started dating Joe, and the rank ceremony just wouldn't be the same without him.

I was looking forward to the weekend going as smoothly as the week did. Yeah...that didn't happen. My Aunt turned 60 and my cousin threw her a surprise birthday party.

It was the best fun we've had in a while. Cake decorating is a hobby of mine so I agreed to a cake for 100 people. It was a Hawaiian themed party and I finally settled on a volcano cake.


This is my latest creation complete with a smoking effect:



Yes folks...this is what a Chocolate Fudge smoking volcano looks like. It was a huge hit and I make a connection with a distant relative who does cake too. She is where I want to be in the cake decorating business. I'm ready to level up and learn some new stuff. I have exceeded the Wilton basic cake decorating and am ready to learn more.

The girls were off the chain this weekend. Loud, fast and unentertainable. It's not all their fault. I was consumed with getting the cake done and was not dispensing the mommmy love they were seeking. I thank goodness the party was on Sunday. I needed the entire day on Saturday to do what needed doing. I was up to my elbows making buttercream and fondant. My mom did the best she could to keep up with them, but she has limited mobility right now. She is still recovering from hip replacement surgery and is staying with me to recoup. However, I would have been completely lost without her this weekend. Mom is skilled at running interference and making PPJ's.

By the time Sunday dinner rolled around, the seams that keep me sane came unraveled. I was exhausted and my back hurt really bad. The noise level in the house had hit an all time high. Jordan was wanting to streak in the worse way, Jenna was wrestling the couch, chocolate milk was spilled and the table cloth wound up crumpled up under the table. I needed to get them fed so I could get them in bed. I had kids going in so many directions we needed a traffic cop. I did catch a small break by not having to cook dinner. There was so much food at the party we were made to bring home leftovers. YAY!! Left overs from a party rank right up there with being invited to dinner. I love love love meals I do not have to prepare.

Jordan, due to playing at the table, knocked her plate on the floor. Meatballs, green beans and mac n cheese everywhere. As I helped her out of her chair, to lift her over the mess, I lost my balance and dropped her. She landed right square on the corner of the door frame. She cried cried cried. She now has a goose egg on the side of her head. I gave her Tylenol to help with the headache she is surely going to have in the AM.

That was after Jenna rammed her head on the corner of the entertainment center. She likes to wrestle my furniture. I don't know why she does that. So my poor little girls look like they were in a bar brawl. They have skinned knees from falling in the drive way. They do not walk any where. It's full throttle run everywhere they go. I am thankful that I have a daycare provider that takes all this in stride. When I take them to her on Monday Morning, they get a once over, she smiles and says, "Busy weekend?" I don't know too many moms that pick up their kids on Friday in pristine condition and return them on Monday looking like they were the title prize fighters in a match over the weekend. I just know if I had the girls in a commercial day care, I would get the authorities called on me in the AM.

Bed time came early, the house breathed a sigh of relief, as it does every night at bed time.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

And Yeeeerrrrr Outta Here!!!!!!

Before I get started on my current tribulation, I have a cutie update. The girls dispense the cute faster then I can remember to write this stuff down. If batteries weren't so expensive I could keep a tape recorder going non stop.

My 3 year old, on the way home from gymnastics, informed me that her butt hurt. So, in an effort to keep her busy while we were trapped in the truck for the commute home, I asked a series of questions.

Jordan: My butt hurts!
Me: Why?
Jordan: It hurts.
Me: Did you fall on it?
Jordan: No.
Me: Does it itch?
Jordan: No.
Me: Did someone smack it?
Jordan: No.
Me: OK....I'm sorry. I'll take a look when we get home.
Jordan: Mom?
Me: Yes?
Jordan: Watching Dora will make my butt feel better.

Yup...that's my little master manipulator. Turns out, Dora is a cure for just about everything from Boo Boo's to Boredom.

This weekend was spent delivering my most special package to the Army. The road trip itself was uneventful. We reached our destination and checked into the hotel the Army recommended. This did not go well.

I am a picky traveler. One of my biggest issues is with hotels. They creep me out. I am way more particular then I need to be about stuff. I own that. However, when you check into a hotel and open the door to your assigned room, it should NOT smell like a wet dog that has bad foot odor, smoking a cigarette. Call me crazy, that's just how I feel about it. Every time one of those news journalism shows comes on TV, exposing hotels, Joey takes command of the remote and refuses to let me watch it. So, in an effort to keep my chin up, and not be difficult, we unloaded the truck. I wanted Joeys last few hours with us to be positive and upbeat. I really did.

An hour and a tantrum later, we pack the truck and move out. The longer I was in this room, the more I felt I needed a tetanus shot. Aside from the offensive odor, the furniture was caked with filth, I couldn't make myself get near the bed. It was like when you try to get the two positive sides of magnets to get near each other. It just wasn't happening. The property itself was in disrepair, cobwebs and exposed structure beams everywhere. The locals for a $5 fee can use the pool, which isn't an issue if they would leave their dogs home.

I raised such a ruckus in the hotel lobby, they did not give me any grief about leaving. (Joey sat in the truck) Quite frankly, I think they were glad to see me go. Sometimes being loud and abrasive has its' advantages. Folks like me do not take being told NO too lightly. Luckily, we found accommodations just right up the road at a national chain for the same room rate. I was in HEAVEN when we opened the door and lemony freshness filled my being.

I think my four year old is a Xerox Copy of me. During our stay over the weekend, the nasty place was in our path of travel to and from the Army Unit my husband is assigned to. My 4 year old would point it out every single time we passed it and comment on it. Poor Joey, he is now blessed with two of us to contend with!

Once we were settled in our new hotel , the rest of the weekend went very well. While Joey was at the unit doing Army stuff, the girls and I were left to our own devices. It was nice spending the day with them. We walked to the water and watched fish. We walked up and down docks and looked at boats. We walked up the roadside to look at the woods and streams. It was really nice! Jenna called it an adventure.

On Sunday it was time to go. After the Deployment Ceremony, we ate lunch, then took Joey to his room the Army put him up in. Yes, it was at the nasty place. However, this room was in way better shape then our original room. No matter, this place will always be equivalent to Joe's Apartment (it's a movie HILARIOUS). I delayed our leaving until the girls got a good final visit and a little rough housing. I needed them to be really tired for the ride home so they would sleep. Mission accomplished. No tears upon departure. Just snoozing all the way home.





The only real issue I had with the girls is when we got home. Jenna busted out a crying fit when she realized her Daddy was not there. It was like it hit her all at once. So I sat with her and cuddled for about 20 minutes, door wide open and the 3 year old darting back and forth in the room. Jenna was fine after that. She keeps confirming that Daddy is at the Army and the Army needs him.

We will be OK!!!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Time Flies




YAY!! Daddy is home from training. The girls couldn't be happier.

He has been home now for about a month. What a crazy flipping month this has been!! Between getting readjusted to Joe being home, the fear of Daddy leaving again and my new Pampered Chef venture, I haven't had time for anything extra.

Jenna (4) treated Joe's coming home as just another day. She is happy he is home and elated her kisses and cuddles at night have resumed. I am surprised her reaction was so uneventful. Her whole attitude was "Great Daddy is home...can I go outside?" Given her propensity for drama, I just expected her to be clingy. Not the case. Jordan (3) on the other hand is. If he goes out front for a smoke, she will stand at the door and whine until he comes back inside. She finds it unsettling if he runs to the store or she loses track of him for a minute.

While Joe was away for training, it was unusual for her to come in our room in the wee hours of the morning. Now he's home and it's a daily occurrence. She feels it necessary to check to make sure he is there. I don't mind the early visits and the crawl into bed, if she didn't to the fish out of water dance. If you have kids, you know what I am referring to. This morning Jordan came in for her judicially scheduled bed check. She likes to cuddle and talk to him about whatever a three year old can talk about. Lately, it's been about his missing hair.

This morning she expressed concern about the bad man and she didn't want him to leave for the Army. They discussed his leaving for a while. Joe reassured her that when he leaves for the Army he always comes back and that everything will be OK. I pray for that outcome. Jordan has mentioned the bad man on more then one occasion. I don't know how to explain bad men to a three year old.

We have hit the half way mark in his time home between training and leaving. The children are handling this well, so far. The baby seems more concerned about his leaving then her older sister does. Jenna seems to understand that the Army needs him and is OK with it. She is sharp as a tack. Jordan is my little mama, she nurtures the wounded and cuddles the sick. I worry that she will miss him immensely when he goes. It will be a challenge for me to keep them both busy enough to keep them distracted. I plan on getting a season pass to the zoo and I will be taking the girls camping for the first time as soon as it warms. It will go fast. I pray that the time will fly.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Dissenters and Anonymity

I've been publicly blogging since January 8, 2010. This month has solidified the fact that perception is reality. There are people that may read my postings and take them at face value. If anyone reads my postings and digests them literally, I can see where they would get heartburn. I am abrasive and accept that. My husband finds that attribute admirable, although hard to swallow sometimes. I am aware that some folks do not agree with nor understand my sense of humor. Of those that do not agree, they can be harsh and judgmental. I blog with my real name and have nothing to hide. I try to depict my day to day as realistic as possible. I had a dissenter hide behind anonymity and leave a malicious comment. I chose not to publish that comment because it was cruel. I have no problem with opposing points of view. I do have a problem with garish brutality.

My family is happy, healthy, intact and functional. My husband and I are two pieces of a puzzle that fit very well together. We share everything, responsibilities, frustrations, financial burdens, chores and a very strong bond. Dissenters can judge and leave negative comments if they choose. But I will not publish mean comments left just for the sake of being mean.

I am used to my husband and I sharing everything. Suddenly, I must handle everything by myself. My world has been thrown off balance and I am learning to deal with it. With his day to day absence, I cope by finding humor in my situation and blogging. Writing my frustrations down helps me clear my head. It provides me an outlet in which to let go of tensions built up during my day. My husband fills that role when he is home. When he is not home, I need an outlet and have chosen to reach out to those who may be in my situation and can relate. I reserve the right to denounce dissenters and call them out. I recognize that they have opinions, and like feet, everyone has a couple, and on occasion they stink.

However, good comments, bad comments I don't care. I am just pleased as punch I have readers other then my friends and family!

Apology to the Scum Sucking Attorney

I would like to refer to my last post in which I readily admitted I may not know what I was talking about.

So, once again, my inner Drama Queen rears her ugly head and my mouth runneth over. One day I will learn to control my knee jerk reactions. It takes almost nothing to get me riled up. The lien we received in the mail was filed in court in the event we sued a third party. Shands Gainesville apparently does this as protocol in accident cases. This ensures they receive their "cut" and get paid. Good plan for cost recovery! I wonder if those little liens can be filed by just anyone for stuff. I have a friend that owes me $20. I will look into that.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Scum Sucking Attorney

I am no attorney. Nor do I claim to be one. So if I make any statements that sound as though I don't know what I'm talking about, chances are, I may not know what I'm talking about. I am unfamiliar with the laws governing what hospitals can and can't do. I do know I am ticked. Real ticked.

I also know that my husband was in a military related bus accident a week ago. That is seven days. The hospital has filed A Claim of Lien against our house. Our copy arrived in the mail today. How is that possible? This attorney probably didn't even wait until the wrecker had the bus upright. This attorney was probably at the court house in front of the judge before my husband was even discharged. I bet this attorney saw the news feeds and had the paperwork all ready to go while they were still pulling soldiers from the wreckage.

Shands Gainesville never even billed us. How do they justify a lien of $10,408 against our house within a week of the accident? How can we be held accountable for a bill that we have never even laid eyes on? How can we be held accountable for a bill that we haven't been afforded a chance to challenge? I mean, my husband is in the military preparing for deployment and was in an accident. How can this scum sucking, bill collector attorney sleep at night? No phone calls were placed to me, no letters, no nothing. Just a Claim of Lien. This scum sucking attorney is holding a piece of our house hostage. It isn't right. Aren't there procedures?

The Claim of Lien isn't even the issue. It is the ease in which this scum sucking attorney got the lien. Am I to believe that anyone, anywhere can file a lien against a house if they feel they are owed money? How frightening is that? No notifications of any kind, just your copy in the mail. There are no judgments against me from the hospital. I NEVER GOT A BILL. There were no phone calls placed to me regarding my husband and the status of his insurance. He has coverage through the military. Just a lien. That's it. That's all we received.

In all fairness, the insurance information was provided to the hospital and I understand Tricare did not approve the claim. Some kind of glitch on their end. With Washington DC being pounded by a blizzard, there is nobody available to help sort this out. I know once DC workers can dig out and return to work, we can get this resolved. In reality, a lien isn't a big deal. As soon as the military approves the claim, we will receive a Satisfaction, which will remove our obligation. However, taking legal action so soon seems unreasonable.

Sadomasochism and Me

Sa-do-mas-och-ism: the derivation of pleasure from the infliction of physical or mental pain either on others on oneself. ~Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary.

I've heard this word from time to time during my many years on Earth. I'm not one for inflicting physical or mental pain. I certainly do not enjoy inflicting either one on anybody. Unless you talk to my teenager. He thinks every time I ask him to mow the lawn or rake the leaves I'm delving out some medieval form of punishment. OK that I do enjoy.

I can't come down on him too hard. He is taking very good care of me in my husbands absence. I am blessed with a child who does good in school, hangs around the kind of kids I won't mind him bringing to the house and is extremely good at keeping up his chores. He jumps on the dishes after dinner, takes out the garbage and will straighten up the playroom/living room when he's had enough of the princess wands and dolls lying around. With the exception of anything that requires a distance of more then 10' feet and 20 minutes away from his World of Warcraft game, he gives me very little grief. I just have to suit up before I ask him to go outside.

I am trying to be the kind of Mom the kids like. I am striving to set aside my Marine Corps training and treat them like the tiny humans they are. I find that when I bark orders and I get blank looks plastered across their faces. Is it confusion? Is it fear? Are they trying to see how long they can stand there before I start going "Drill Instructor" on them?

I try to reason with them. "Ladies, let's get ready for dinner". I say this with a June Cleaver kinda voice, smile on my face, all I am missing is the pearls. They stand there, still, frozen in time. Or they turn and bolt. That's my favorite thing they do, turn and run. If you ever want to see what loud looks like up close and personal, turn and run from me. My hands flail in the air, nostrils wide open, and my mouth is at full speed and volume is pumped up. This is what the "Drill Instructor" looks like. All the while, the little people are running and laughing and dodging me. Oh yeah, they are having a good time.

Joey comes home Saturday. He has been in training for 40 days. My Mom is being discharged from the hospital where she had hip replacement surgery. I have agreed to pick her up. My Pampered Chef consultant buddy is scheduled to come over that morning as well, so we can practice doing a party as consultants. My daughters are having a friend spend the night. The friend is five. I've asked her parents to stay for dinner. In addition, my cousin is coming over for a play date with her little boy who is almost two. All on Valentine's Day Weekend!

I'm not sure if I've inflicted physical pain or mental pain upon myself. Whatever it is, I'm enjoying it. Maybe sadomasochism isn't all bad. As long as you enjoy the company of friends and family. I wouldn't have it any other way.